Words on the Wind


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Dark in Her Days {Part 2}

d30I want to hide the truth; I want to shelter you, but with the beast inside…there’s nowhere we can hide.”  – Imagine Dragons


“Inside of what…Inside of me?” Rayna breathed, exasperated by this guys strangeness, and with a fear that he was telling the truth and really did know something about her that even she didn’t know about herself. “You don’t even know my name! You can’t claim to know anything about me at all!”

“Your name is Rayna. You have a blackness inside you. Humans call it depression. But, it is not humans who get this type of ‘depression’…No…Only greenhorns experience this darkness, and it is not what some humans think it is.” Ronan told her, becoming very serious as he spoke.

He finally let his hand slip from Rayna’s arm, leaving a burning mark only she could feel.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you’re playing some weird joke on me…it’s totally not funny. There are much easier and more normal ways to meet girls at a new school.”

With that, Rayna began walking hesitantly towards her English class, but stopped short when Ronan whispered, “You’re not one of them, Rayna. You’re different. The dark inside of you isn’t something a doctor can fix, nor does it need fixin’.”

Rayna slowly turned around and met his fierce green eyes. “What are you talking about? I’m already way late for my class, so you’d better spill it.”

“Like I was sayin’ before. You’re what we call a greenhorn. You’re not human, but you’re not completely like me. This darkness inside you isn’t human either.” Ronan never let his eyes shift from hers.

“You’re still not making any sense. Greenhorn? What the heck is that? And you’re acting all weird. So what you’re telling me is that you’re not human…but how can that even be possible? What would that make you? What would that make me?” Rayna’s voice began to tremble. Whatever Ronan was getting at, she was ready for him to stop. This was too much. He was crazy…right?

“No. I’m not human…and neither are you. Well not completely anyway.” A strange smile began to play on Ronan’s face now. “I am fey. You are a greenhorn – a young half-bred who hasn’t learned to master her darkness yet.”

“Ya, okay. You are a fairy and I am a half-fairy. Very funny. I’m leaving.” Rayna tries again to leave but Ronan keeps talking and what he’s saying makes it hard for her to keep moving.

“Never say that! I am not a fairy! I hate that word! I am fey; part of the Aphotic race of faeries. A fairy is a fair a happy little creature – that is nowhere near who I am! Anyway, this darkness inside of you is your Aphotic inheritance. You see, the Aphotics are a dark race of fey. No particularly evil, just sentenced to do the dark biddin’s of the earth, like putting the forests and creatures to sleep before the winter, coverin’ the earth in the shadows of night, and carryin’ the messages that summon Death to the mortal world.”

Ronan stopped here to see how Rayna was taking it. Her mouth was slightly open and she had a look of shock and understanding mixed into her expression. Seeing as how she was at a loss for words, and didn’t seem like she was going to try to walk away on him again, Ronan continued.

“Mortals call your darkness depression, not knowin’ or understandin’ what it really is. You were born with it inside of you, therefore it cannot be depression, somethin’ that comes on later in a mortal life. Now that you are of age, your darkness is tryin’ to come out so you can take your place in the other half of your life, the half you will stay in for as long as you continue to exist.

“Many greenhorns will die by their own doin’ if they are not reached in time. The dark inside of them – that which is inside of you – must be brought out and conquered before it consumes the weak part of your mortal mind, ultimately leadin’ you into destroyin’ yourself.”

Rayna stood staring at him for a while, and Ronan let her, waiting for the hysteric laughter, tear, or arguing that accompany this conversation with all the other greenhorns he’s had to find. He waits longer, but Rayna’s response is slow to come and when it does, it’s not what he’s expecting at all. Quietly, Rayna places the books she’s been grasping in her arms gently on the ground beside her feet. She stands up tall and walks towards him. She stops in front of him a little ways and holds out her arm to him. He looks at the tips of her fingers, ready to grasp his, and then looks back into her pale blue eyes, searching for an explanation and a clue on how to react. She stares back. Her voice is soft and quiet, on the verge of tears, when she answers his unspoken question.

“Then I’ll do what I must to bring it out. Everything you say…it’s everything I feel. My ‘dark days’ are what I call them, and they are visiting me more often than ever. I can’t hold on much longer and I am willing to trust you if it means getting rid of this dark rotting me from the inside.”

Ronan gently reaches for her hand still outstretched towards him. He takes it in his, intertwining his strong fingers into her delicate ones, and catches a glimpse of a small tear falling from her eye lash right before she reaches up and quickly brushes it away.

©Lindsay Amber

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Dark in Her Days {Part 1}

d29“When you feel my heat, look into my eyes – it’s where my demons hide, it’s where my demons hide. Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside – it’s where my demons hide, it’ where my demons hide.”  – Imagine Dragons

There are the good days, full of happiness and content, and then there are the “dark days,” as Rayna calls them. Days where nothing is right on the inside. She can pull herself together for her friends, laugh at there not-so-funny jokes, and give them all her smiles. She can come home to her family, love them and enjoy their company. But it is all a mask; a clever trick of the light that she has been able to pull off since she was a little child.

Rayna has walked the earth for eighteen years with that same happy glow on the outside, but with a blackness on the inside. No one sees it, no one knows. Her dark days come when she’s least expecting them, making her mask ever stronger for the coming attacks. She wants help; she wants someone to see through her shell and into her being, but no one can and she’s afraid to look for the help she so desperately needs. She doesn’t want to be “that girl” who needs medication to be happy, or be shamed for her harmful thoughts of prematurely calling on death.

It’s Monday, and another dark day for her. They seem to be coming more often as of late. She gets up, pulls on the mask, and prepares for another long day of school and struggles no one will ever see. She walks down the crowded halls, smiling at every passer-by until she reaches her locker. That’s when she sees him, a boy with pale skin and knowing eyes. She’s sure she has never seen him around before. Suddenly she hears her best friend Chelsea’s harsh voice in her ear,

“Freaky, right?”

“What do you mean?” she answers, a little startled at Chelsea’s silent approach.

“The new kid you were just staring at. I’ve heard his name is Ronan. Just moved here from Ireland – I think. I thought he would be cool, but I’ve talked to him and he’s a total jerk! Totally a waste of breath! Oh well, what can you do? Anyway, better get to class. See you at lunch!” and with that, Chelsea makes her way into the science lab.

Chelsea was always bursting with energy and told it how she saw it. She could be a bit overpowering at times, but that’s just what Rayna needed. She felt like she could hide behind Chelsea’s huge presence if her mask was ever to waver.

Rayna realized the bell was about to ring and the only way to get to her English class was to pass by the new kid who was still staring. She collected her books from her locker, and clutching them tightly to her, made her way to class, trying desperately not to make eye contact with the new guy – Ronan. There was something about his eyes that she didn’t quite like…a knowing gaze she had never had to face before.

She was almost to him. She could make it, no big deal. That’s when his arm reached out and caught hers. The books in her grasp went tumbling to the floor after her hold was loosened in her shock. The bell had rung and the halls were clear; there was no one to save her if she should need them. She searched herself and found the courage to look into his face. Once her pale blue eyes meet his fierce green ones, he started speaking to her. Rayna had expected his voice to be as fierce and demanding as his eyes. Instead she was surprised to find it calm and controlled, laden with that becoming Irish accent.

Then she realized what he was saying.

“I see what it is like on the inside. You don’t need to hide it from me. I’m Ronan. Sorry for freaking you out with my staring…that’s one of my habits I can’t seem to break because I can’t seem to realize when it’s happnin’. I can help you. I know what’s really going on inside.”

©Lindsay Amber